Wanderings of Northern Dreams

2009-01-02T02:11:00.002-05:00

I have so many things I want to say to you, but how do I know if they are appropriate to say and how you will respond?

2009-01-02T02:00:00.004-05:00

On January 20th Obama will be inaugurated as the President of the United States of America. He has very high hopes placed on him and many expectations. Whether you voted for him or not, there is no doubt that he and his family could definitely use our prayers as Barack takes office and his next 4 years in office.

2008-10-09T16:13:00.001-04:00

Apparently in the Canadian election, for every vote every party gets, they receive $1.83 in return. Did you know that?

2008-10-06T12:21:00.002-04:00

Most computer/internet users have things that they believe to be common knowledge but those things are not universal to everyone. You can check out a list of helpful tips for beginner computer users right here and even if you're not a beginner it helps to read the list because I found some things I didn't know before.

2008-08-26T09:43:00.002-04:00

Author Donald Miller gave the closing prayer at the opening day of the Democratic National Convention. Cameron Strang, President and Founder of Relevant Magazine was originally supposed to do the prayer but ended up deciding against it. You can read his reasons for doing this here. He ended up asking Donald if he would do it and Mr. Miller accepted. You can read an interview with Miller here about why he accepted to do the prayer and what he sees as important in our world. Lastly, check out the prayer he prayed below and maybe give yourself some time to pray it yourself. There are great changes that need to be made in the US and this is the time when we need to be on our knees asking God to help us make them.

Father God,

This week, as the world looks on, help the leaders in this room create a civil dialogue about our future.

We need you, God, as individuals and also as a nation.

We need you to protect us from our enemies, but also from ourselves, because we are easily tempted toward apathy.

Give us a passion to advance opportunities for the least of these, for widows and orphans, for single moms and children whose fathers have left.

Give us the eyes to see them, and the ears to hear them, and hands willing to serve them.

Help us serve people, not just causes. And stand up to specific injustices rather than vague notions.

Give those in this room who have power, along with those who will meet next week, the courage to work together to finally provide health care to those who don’t have any, and a living wage so families can thrive rather than struggle.

Help us figure out how to pay teachers what they deserve and give children an equal opportunity to get a college education.

Help us figure out the balance between economic opportunity and corporate gluttony.

We have tried to solve these problems ourselves but they are still there. We need your help.

Father, will you restore our moral standing in the world.

A lot of people don’t like us but that’s because they don’t know the heart of the average American.

Will you give us favor and forgiveness, along with our allies around the world.

Help us be an example of humility and strength once again.

Lastly, father, unify us.

Even in our diversity help us see how much we have in common.

And unify us not just in our ideas and in our sentiments—but in our actions, as we look around and figure out something we can do to help create an America even greater than the one we have come to cherish.

God we know that you are good.

Thank you for blessing us in so many ways as Americans.

I make these requests in the name of your son, Jesus, who gave his own life against the forces of injustice.

Let Him be our example.

Amen.

2008-08-20T13:31:00.002-04:00

I am really enjoying the bit of Olympics that I've been able to see and I'm very proud of our athletes who have been competing for us. I was quite perturbed when alot of people, a very large amount, were saying how sad it was that we hadn't gotten any medals yet. I like medals just as much as the next person for our country but I guess I've never been a person to in sports say you have to win everything. I'm not a hugely competative person and I think its just as good if the person gives 100% in what they're doing as if they win the event. During this "drought" of medals last week, our swimmers set like 15 national records but didn't get any medals. They did a great job over in Beijing and they will do great things in the future. Guarenteed if an athlete screwed up they are beating themselves up for it more then we ever could so why don't we just let them know that we're behind then 100%? I pray safety for all of our athletes and citizens who are over in China right now and that they would succeed in doing their best...and if that ends up being a medal then so be it.

2008-08-12T14:58:00.006-04:00

Some people grow up in homes where they have to be perfect because their parents expect them to and nothing less is acceptable. Imagine growing up in a country like that? It seems that is the attitude that China is showcasing at these Olympic games. They seem so caught up in showcasing how far they've come and how "perfect" they can be that they might have forgotten the point of the Olympics. There are many small things that have happened over the past weeks leading up to the Olympics and I'm sure there will be more things that come out about China but here are just a few to start off and I'll probably add more as time goes on.

The girl who sang the song during the opening ceremonies who everyone thought was so cute wasn't really singing at all. She was lip syncing and another girl was singing because the other girl was deemed as not cute enough by the Politburo of China. That's a great message they're sending to their young people that they couldn't have an "imperfect" Chinese girl displayed for everyone, she had to look "perfect".

The fireworks display that took place during the opening ceremony that was supposedly live...some of it was...and some of it was prerecorded. I guess this sort of things comes with modern technology but I guess I just don't get the point.

I watched the men's team gymastic competition last night. The Chinese team ended up winning and they seemed overjoyed about it and all the people did also. During the competition the announcer mentioned they have a saying in China that 1,000 silvers don't equal one gold. So basically you go and try your hardest for your country, win a medal but don't get congradulated because it's not the colour that they want. Why do we turn our backs on the people who do what we ask them to just because the outcome isn't what we wanted? The Vietnam war comes to mind of an example of this in America and I wouldn't be surprised if its happening now to the soldiers who are serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. We expect so much of people and yet have such disdain for them afterwards it seems. That was sort of a rant but just something I've been thinking of.

Edit: The Chinese woman won the group gymastics competition but there is some question about the age of the contestants. The legal age to compete is 16 and there is definitely a question as to why the birthdates of He, Yang and Jiang didn't jibe with other registration materials that showed they might be as young as 14. Check out the picture and judge for yourself.

2008-08-11T15:08:00.002-04:00

The debt of the United States of America at the moment when I type this is estimated at 9.5 Trillion dollars. For an exact figure you can look here. Let's see how this stacks up against other first world nations. The UK is at 645 Billion Pounds, France is at 1.2 Trllion Euros and you can see Canada's debt here. So basically we live in a time where governments and its people spend more then they have which is something that has been said time and time again in the past 100 or so years. But what will be the result of all this debt? What are some resolutions for the problems we face? What will happen if we continue on this course? There's a new documentary called I.O.U.S.A. that hits theatres this month that hopes to do all of that. You can view the trailer for the film right here.

2008-07-30T13:02:00.003-04:00

As of this coming September 30th, the national do-not-call-list officially begins operating. Under the new rules set forth by the CRTC, telemarketers will not be allowed to call anyone who registers either by phone with Bell Canada Inc. (who is administering the list on behalf of the CRTC) or online at www.lnnte-dncl.gc.ca. Telemarketers could be eligible for fines of $1,500 in the case of an individual or $15,000 for corporations if a person who has registered complains about being contacted by a telemarketer. I wonder if this includes national survey's that are done such as election polls?

2008-07-25T12:31:00.003-04:00

If you feel like building your vocabulary while also feeding some people who need food 20 grains of rice at a time, then go here to free rice.

2008-07-24T15:21:00.003-04:00

Genesis 2:18 (NASB) says "Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." Why's it not good to be alone? Well I can now probably guess quite a few reasons that Adam shouldn't have been alone and why I'd say it's just plain not very healthy to be alone. I work alone. I live alone. I now have no girlfriend to see on the weekends. I don't really see many people because well they have lives and families. This means I'm pretty lonely most days and nights which isn't something I'm growing fonder of by the day. Most of my time is passed with busy work or watching a movie to try and get past 2 hours of my life of boredom rather then seeking 2 hours of enjoyment. At work, I mainly just do busy work and try and find things to do on the internet but ultimitely nothing much is going on after you check 10-20 times the same sites for updates or whatever because again, the people doing that have lives and they dont expect people to be sitting there refreshing the screen. Then there's self pity which as you can probably see I am sometimes delving into deep these days. People need reasons to get up in the morning. That's why people who are depressed lay in bed all day because they feel they have no purpose or reason to get up. Now I am definitely not depressed, with no hope of being so I'm just saying I can understand why people would do that. This in itself has been a rather depressing rant so I'll go now but not without leaving hopefully on an up note. Through whatever has happened in my life I have somehow managed to usually stay positive about it because I know that God has something for me at the other end. And to this point I continue to look to the future. I trust God wholeheartedly, blindly in alot of cases, that he does know best. It's a good rock to stand on.....and the only rock I have left to stand on.

2008-07-24T15:18:00.002-04:00

I've been asked to be in another wedding. This time it's for a guy who I know from my time in Tennessee at ZJAM. This makes what.....4 weddings that I've been in? Courtney would probably say this means I'm always a groom and never a groomsman. I'm not sure what to say to Tyler now about whether to accept this or not? I feel honoured to be asked but am just not sure why I was asked?

2008-07-22T19:41:00.003-04:00

some things just make me feel so smart....like when I spend two days madly calling someone about our network being down and when it comes down to it the only problem WAS.......drum roll please

the power button needed to be pushed and turn the network computer back on

yes yes, its on so complicated. apparently we had a power outage last friday and the autorestart function on the computer failed so it stayed off.

So next time something like that happens, remember to make sure all the machines are still ON.

2008-07-22T19:38:00.003-04:00

my body feels like I just had lung surgery again which is to say totally exhausted and extremely sore. I became sick starting last friday and am only starting to feel back to normal somewhat today. Friday night felt like hell...although admittedly a mild hell shall we say and the fever stayed until sunday afternoon. But a visit to emergency on sunday night told me I had the beginnings of pnamonia and a chest infection. I'm glad I figured it out even though I had to wear a rather short hospital gown the entire time. I have pictures somwhere of the whole order on my cell. If I get them off anytime soon I'll post a few.

2008-07-14T11:01:00.003-04:00

After 3 and a half years of dating, things have ended with Courtney. I think she was brave in ending things when she did. I wish she had spoken up sooner if she had been unhappy for so long but I understand it was hard to say anything after so long because both of us can't imagine our lives without eachother. I think it makes things harder ending it all when we don't hate eachother or even dislike eachother, she just doesn't see us getting married and thus things need to end. We both have alot of growing that needs to be done.

2008-07-09T14:06:00.003-04:00

Ever heard of the show Pancake Mountain? Well unless you're 4 to 10 years old then probably not unless that is you're a fan of indie rock. Then you might want to check this show out because it's hosted such acts as M.I.A., Tegan and Sara, Bright Eyes, The Flaming Lips, The White Stripes and The Arcade Fire. What does it look like you might ask?

2008-07-09T11:14:00.004-04:00

I was definitely disheartened to hear of the appointment of Dr. Henry Morgentaler to the Order Of Canada last week. As our Prime Minister said I would have rather seen it go to someone who unifies our country rather then leaves it torn apart and that's exactly what rewarding this award to Dr. Morgentaler has done. At least 2 former Orders of Canada have been or will be returned as a result of him receiving the Order as can be read here and here. On the other hand Ontario's Premiere has now spoken up and said he supports the move so obviously some are fine with it. What do you think about this situation?

2008-07-09T11:10:00.002-04:00

I'm glad that I have service through Rogers because Bell and Telus just released news that it will now cost their customers 15 cents for every received text, even spam texts.

2008-07-08T15:54:00.004-04:00

How can Summit be canceled because they arn't seeing enough fruit from the program? Has anyone who's involved in canceling the college actually been through it? Did one of their children go through it and not turn out to be the person they wished they were? Basically it looks as if the main reason is financial that it can't afford to be kept open anymore. I'm very sad to see it go. I still consider my time at Summit to be one of the best years of my life!

2008-07-08T15:49:00.004-04:00

Where does the want to wander come from?

Is it because of a dissatisfaction with my current surroundings or the events of my life?
Do I subconsciously want to get away from everyone that I care about?
Maybe it's just that I want to get out there and discover the creation that God has made?

I feel so restless sometimes...
I need to be satisfied with where God has me now

2008-06-04T14:50:00.003-04:00

When husbands cheat on wives its not usually a spur of the moment thing. When people become alcoholics its not usually because they went out and had one drink. These things usually happen because they compromised one bit at a time, let one thing or another go and it all happened in a Slow Fade.

2008-06-03T16:40:00.002-04:00

My dog died last night.

I was driving back from Tennessee last night, from which I am now VERY tired, and my dad called me to ask me to stop in at home instead of continuing to drive to Hamilton. He said Snookums (our dog) probably wouldn't last the night. I wasn't sure what to do...felt like I wanted to go home but had an overwhelming urge to just finish the trip last night and get to Hamilton. Anyways, I just he dropped breathing last night. Seems kind of trivial in some ways because he was just a dog for a good many years when I lived at home he was a good friend to me and we had a lot of good times together. People say you become close friends with your pets and that was true for me in this instance. I'm definitely going to miss him and am sad that he wont be there the next time I visit home.

RIP Snookums

2008-05-22T00:07:00.002-04:00

This is my first attempt at embedding audio into my blog...

The Swell Season - Falling Slowly

2008-05-21T22:23:00.006-04:00

Tonight I went to see the I Heart Revolution film called We’re All In This Together by Hillsong United. I thought it was pretty good…worth the $15 to see it not just for the music which I enjoy but for the overall theme which was pretty convicting. But what point is there to conviction if there’s no action afterwards? what things are excess in my life…maybe everything but the essentials? This kind of film really gets one thinking about where my money should be going and whether I’m being wise with what God has given me. Do I really need that extra cd or that trip to Starbucks or even that new shirt when that money could buy a well and give water to people who have no clean supply. Not only that, but whether I am truly being the salt and light that I am called to be. Those are some of my thoughts after the film tonight. I’d recommend you all taking a gander at it if you get the chance. There were a few quotes from Robert Kennedy throughout the film and so I decided to come home and google to see what I could find from him. Here are some quotes from him that stuck out to me:

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.

Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us
can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total; of all
those acts will be written the history of this generation.

Tragedy is a tool for the living to gain wisdom,
not a guide by which to live.

Below is the extended Trailer for the film I saw tonight.

2007-11-07T17:05:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure how much anyone who read this blog would understand what is about to be written but I needed to vent and thought I'd type it out on here.

People dislike change because they’re comfortable where they’re at and like the safety of the familiar. But some people like change because they’re tired of what they’re doing, burnt out on it, or just think that things need to be changed. I think that a lot of people’s eagerness to change things up and do local outreach, yes in someway has to do with their genuine want to do this, but also has to do with the fact that they’re not satisfied with their everyday existence here, they find it boring and they think this will make things more of what they want. I hope their desires for this aren’t as selfish as I’m making it out to be. People say that when they came here that we raise up people and send them out and that they’re not much of the going out done here. Everytime we log onto the zboard, log onto chat, log onto the hopeline we are reaching out to people. Everytime we do something with the radio show its reaching out to people. Whether everyone is involved in all of these aspects or not, people’s lives are getting changed by these. The old us was “we are an online youth ministry”. This is of course not true anymore with the new face lift and looks to be almost the ancient past with how things look to be going around here with less of a focus on ministry to people online and more one on one ministry. Is this a good thing? Well that remains to be seem and will be seen in the future when this new area of ministry is tackled. I freely admit that I am a realist most of the time when it comes to things and a lot of the times also a pessimist. When someone talks about their dreams I usually don’t think, that’s great lets do it, but instead okay, how can we do that. What’s really involved in making this happen. Today in staffer meeting is a perfect example. You offer up going to help a church and talk to them about whats going on an people volunteer to go. Well that’s all fine and good but where were the volunteers to actually set things up so they could happen and we could really go? There’s initiative being taken in wanting to do things but none in the setting up of the structure to do them and yes there does still need to be structure. The things that I’ve heard talked about the past week sound like the schedule is going to be thrown out with the babies bath water and people are going to go off and do great ministry opportunities. This is of course exaggerating and I know that the people here aren’t so naïve as to try that, but really what’s the reality of all these plans of outreach? There needs to be talk of how to get it done and not just talk of doing it. It cant be left to the leadership to figure out how it can get done, to you Olivia and Natasha to figure things out. Others need to take leadership of this, take ownership of this and I feel that’s the one thing that isn’t happening a lot. People are so gung ho about doing this stuff that they aren’t stopping to realize what all has to happen and go into it before this happens. Even the simplest event takes planning, coordination and usually funds. There are some people who are bored everyday here, walk around and talk and don’t get stuff done because they don’t have a lot to do. How then is it that people aren’t getting their homework done? How does JT and Travis not have time to clean their house but they now have all this time to go and do other ministry events? I’m not picking on them mind you, I just think that it needs to be repeated time and time again. People aren’t responsible with the time they have so why should they be given more to do in the time that they already don’t get done what they need to do. Then there’s the people who already have a full load of things to do. How will this be added to their schedule for every week? It almost seems to me that there needs to be a new schedule for outreach ministry to go along with the schedule for THL and for everything we do because otherwise it wouldn’t all get done.

No matter whether you work at McDonalds or a Youth Ministry, there's drama.

All that being said, I think I’ve rambled enough. I’ve been rather distracted by this today and these are a few of the thoughts that have been in my head.

2007-07-17T22:08:00.000-04:00

There needs to be a parenting class thats mandetory for all people who want to have sex so that when they make babies they know that sometimes their kids have problems and that the way to solve them isnt to try and shove it under the rug so noone thinks their bad parents and the way to fix it isnt to freak out about it. You can actually help your kids by talking about it and walking them through steps to freedom from the things their struggling with. WOW what a novel flippin concept.

2007-05-29T19:35:00.000-04:00

Another post so soon? Yes yes, this is another one that's traveled from my desktop to this posting template they call blogger.com. Here goes another one...

I wish that the whole world could sit down and listen to someone (Neil T. Anderson or Dave Park or whomever) talk about the freedom in Christ that they can have. I wish that they would all believe it and all start living it. This is of course not even close to being a reality. I just get so frustrated sometimes with talking to the same people about the same things over and over and over again. I know that it helps them to be able to just continue to talk things out which is why I continue to let talk to them. They say they CANNOT get free from it but they can. Their belief system says they cant so they don’t think they can. But all they have to do is change their belief system about themselves and they can be FREE. Change your beliefs and your actions will follow. It’s as simple as that to say, but much more difficult to actually do.

I myself am definitely not completely a free person in Christ. I do admit this. I’d say there are probably only 2 areas of my life which still are keeping me from that. One I am specifically working on right now and doing alright at, I’d rather not say what it is though. The second thing is pretty much my height. In some ways I probably take it for granted, the advantages it gives me. The main thing that I see it gives me though, is to make me the constant center of people’s comment about it. In other words, it makes me the center of attention instantly when I walk somewhere which is something that very much goes against my introverted personality. The self hatred that comes from this is something that I continue to work on. It’s something I’ve come to live with I guess which I’d say is actually not very good since I’ve somewhat resigned myself to the fact that I’ll never get through the self hatred. I am starting to come around now. I believe God gave me this for a reason, and I’m seeking him as to why that was, and how to use this height for his glory every day. I’d encourage you all to do the same with the things about yourself that you consider shortfalls or that you don’t like. It’s hard to change the ruts we’ve lived so long in but it’s so worth it on the other side.

2007-05-29T19:26:00.000-04:00

It's been so long since I even posted anything on here. This has been on my mind a lot lately though and I decided to have it take a trip from my desktop to this blog and see if anyone commented on it or had any thoughts about what I'm about to say. So here it goes...

Sometimes I wonder if depression is real. I do believe that there can be people who're depressed because of demonic forces in their lives and I also believe that depression can be a result of a chemical imbalance. But as far as depression because of their circumstances, I'd say that is just a result of them not knowing how to deal with their circumstances properly. Everyone in the world goes through hard times no matter who you are. Yes, some go through more then others. But if people truly knew how to deal with their circumstances, and they learned to not let their circumstances dictate their emotions and then their emotions dictate how they felt, we would have a world which would be considerably healthier and people wouldn't be looking to other things such as an eating disorder or self injury to help themselves deal with what they consider their depression and their world that is falling apart around them. Self injury and an Eating Disorder are addictions much like drug abuse or alcohol abuse and just as hard to break away from. They actually add to a person's mental anguish because the people who're in them for the most part know that what they're doing to themselves isn't right so they have caught themselves up in a hole which they feel they cannot get out of. Being in a good relationship with God and knowing their identity in Christ is the only way people can truly get through their hurt and deal with their circumstances. There is no hope outside of a relationship with God and your identity in Christ. Why else should we be alive? Everything else in this world is so empty except a relationship with God. I guess I just find it hard to understand depression. I talk to so many people who think they have depression and find it hard to differentiate between them and the ones who really do suffer from it. How can one tell the difference?

Why don't people talk about what's bothering them anymore? Why do we as a society grow up believing that we have to be the Lone Ranger? Did that tv show really have any effect on us or why have we all learned the same thing subconsciously, that we have to try and do everything on our own? God created us for fellowship and relationship so why do we all seclude ourselves so much and not open up to each other about what we’re going through? Probably one of the biggest motivations I would suggest is plain old fear. People don’t know how to deal with it or overcome it anymore and its controlling their lives. Interestingly enough I went to biblegateway.com to search for verses on fear to put here and they told me to look in the cowardice section. Is that what fear really is, cowardice? I guess if you’re not willing to get over it, then yes it is. Is there a little bit of cowardice in each of us then? I would say I definitely do have a bit that I’m still trying to get rid of from my life. It’s a process, but one that’s worth the fight. Everyone can be free from it if they’d only change their belief patterns and renew their minds as it says in Romans 12:2!

2006-11-08T12:59:00.000-05:00

The media lately has talked alot about a man named Ted Haggard and the situation that he is in. If you're not sure what situation I'm talking about, then feel free to read this article to update yourself about the situation. So I was reading an article by Ed Young today about Ted Haggard, grace and how we as Christians often play the blame game in these situations or cant believe that a man in his position could fall into something like that. These are some of the thoughts which he brought forth.

In biblical terms, a fall from grace is not the sinner saved by grace who is caught in moral failure. That is a fall to grace. A fall from grace is the self-righteous person who tries to earn his or her salvation through the guise of moral living, declaring that Christ's work on the cross was unnecessary—at least for them.

It's time to let God be the judge and take our proper role as fellow sinner saved by grace. And maybe it's time for us to stop putting other human beings—who can't possibly live up to our expectations—on moral pedestals. Maybe it's time to remember who the standard bearer of our faith is: Jesus. Maybe it's time to put aside our human nature and, as the apostle Paul suggested, "grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" (2 Peter 3:18).

When it comes to temptation, particularly in the sexual arena, we always overestimate our power to resist and underestimate the enemy's power to persist. Only as we walk daily in the grace of Christ can we find the humility to say, "There but for the grace of God go I."

Lastly a quote from the song "Grace" by the band U2 which I think fits well into this situation....."Grace makes beauty out of ugly things"

2006-11-08T01:53:00.000-05:00

What have I done? Is it possible to go outside of God's will for your life? Is there such thing as secondary will? I think I might've gone against what God has willed for my life but how can I know for sure. I wish for a hand to write on the wall and answer my questions or a booming voice from the sky to call out a name. Why can't I just know what I should do in this situation? Did I do the right thing? Did I step somewhere I shouldn't have? Why can't I make up my mind? Am I afraid of the answer? Where did all the certainty go? Then after all this....I'm sitting in a park on a picnic table thinking. This car drives up and stops about 40 feet away from me on the road through the park. A guy gets out and leans down beside his car (drivers side is away from my side). After a minute or two he books it back into his car and just closes the door as what appears to be fireworks goes off. There's red sparks that fly and a big cloud of smoke that flies into the air. Then he backs up and peels out of the parking lot. I wait acouple minutes and decide the randomness has ceased.....started to walk away then I hear the first siren which I'd expected to come sooner. I can hear it going down a street behind me then stopping at a stop sign then screeching down towards the park then it turns in and drives towards me shining its light. I wave my hand at the officer, he gets out, and asks me whats going on. I explain the situation to him......4 more cop cars screech up to the scene....I give my information to one of the officers, I describe everything about the car and the situation. They thanked me and let me go. Then as I was walking away one of the officers calls me back and I went on abit of a ride along to look at acouple similar looking cars (grey 4 door Saturns) in the area. My description probably didn't help considering where I live is the home of the Saturn plant so there's a huge amount of them in the area. I couldn't believe all that happened as I was sitting there on the bench thinking about the events which had just happened. So what did this have to do with my situation? Why did that happen? If everything happens for a reason am I supposed to draw something from that or just let it be as a random happening that had nothing to do with my situation. Oh, when will the questions stop?

2006-07-23T21:12:00.000-04:00

Well it seems I'm staying down here in Tennessee for another year. It comes as quite a shock looking back on it now that I am staying down at ZJAM but it seems that this is where God wants me for another year. It all came down to today as I searched out whether God had me here for another year. My deadline was tomorrow to let one of my boss's know whether I would be or not. This morning in church they talked about several things, one of them being people's giftings, how we've all been given different gifts. First off we are to find out what these gifts are that we've been given and secondly in 1 Peter 4:10 it says "each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms." This basically goes along with the developing of our gifts that we have. I have felt really lost the last couple weeks as to what I should be doing. I somewhat felt like I'd almost missed what God had asked me to do because I wasn't listening or something along those lines. But, it all came down to today, and I do feel like this morning, a light came on when the pastor talked about the developing of our gifts, and about the passage in 1 Peter where it talks about how we are supposed to use our gifts to serve others. Here at ZJAM honestly is where I feel I can do this best at this point in my life. I wish in some ways that I was going back home to my friends, family and to girlfriend, but it seems that wont be happening right now at least. I dont know specifically what God has for me this year, but I feel as if my place is here developing the gifts that he's given me. I love talking to the kids on teenhopeline and the Hopeline every night even though sometimes its really hard with the crap I hear that people are going through. Yet, my heart is prepared to have another year of this and in the end its not about me, its about my service to God with my life.

2006-06-25T19:43:00.000-04:00

It is just past the time when I lost my grandfather suddenly last year. I have been reflecting alot on the past year and on the death of him, and my grandmother last september. It's almost been a year since all of that passed and there have been many questions on my mind. I ran across this article in the Relevant Magazine weekly article and thought it spoke well into the situation. We all go through alot of struggles in our lives and if you haven't already, they probably are to come. Just know that in all of that pain and suffering, God is there with you, carrying your burdens.

5 Minutes With Rob - By Ben Irwin

Recently my wife and I traveled to Wales to visit a friend who was dying of cancer. When we left a week later, I wondered how to begin putting the pieces of my faith back together.
As my wife and I navigated the maze of hospital corridors, I braced myself to face the worst. But nothing could have prepared me for the sight that greeted us as we walked into Rob's room. The person lying in front of me barely resembled the one I had last seen less than a year before. The weight loss was dramatic; he looked like a skeleton with flesh hung loosely over his bones. The only difference was that I know what Rob is supposed to look like. It took all his might to prop himself on his elbows as I sat down beside him.
He was a shell of the person he had been just a month before.
It was the third time in 10 years Rob had battled cancer. The first diagnosis came six months after he was married. The cancer returned a few years later, about the time Rob and his wife were expecting their first child.
A couple of years into Rob's second bout with cancer—-one that was supposed to end his life—it began to look like a miracle was happening. Gradually the cancer disappeared; the doctors could only scratch their heads. There was, the doctors admitted, no medical explanation for the cancer's disappearance. So Rob and his family did the only thing anyone can do in a situation like this: they basked in God's incomprehensible favor.
Fast-forward four years. The cancer came back—initially in his bladder, then his lymph nodes, too. To add a touch of cruel irony, less than a month before he died, Rob's wife gave birth to their second child, a beautiful baby girl.
It seems almost trivial, reflecting on what happened to me that day we visited my friend lying in a hospital bed, clinging to his life. But the fact is, I left the hospital a different person: my theology—all my neatly arranged ideas about God and His role in our lives—came crashing down.
If God is in complete control, doesn't that make Him responsible for Rob's slow, torturous death? Isn't He to blame for robbing a wife of her husband, depriving a son of his dad and denying a baby girl even the memory of her father? What grand purpose, what divine scheme could ever justify this cruelty?
On the other hand, even if God doesn't actually cause these things to happen—if He simply allows them to take place—is He any less responsible? If I had the cure for AIDS but did not share it with those suffering from the virus, society would hold me accountable for their deaths. Is God any less responsible if He has the power to cure cancer but does nothing?
That night when I crawled into bed, I was raging on the inside—furious with God for allowing my friend to die. Stunned that He was making Rob's wife and children endure all this.
The next day we went to see Rob one last time. He was asleep. Rest being such a precious commodity in his weakened condition, we chose not to disturb him. But as I sat at the nurse's station, writing our goodbye on a scrap of paper, I sensed something that felt absent the day before: God's presence.
It wasn't overpowering. The air was not thick with it. It was small, subtle—barely perceptible.
I didn't leave the hospital with answers to any of the questions that plagued my mind the day before. My theology and my ideas about God were still in a state of upheaval. But in their place emerged a new idea: Whatever else God may or may not be, He is present in our pain. He suffers with us.
Why He doesn't step in and simply put an end to the suffering now, I don't know. Believing that someday He'll make everything right doesn't make life easier now. But still, the fact that God was with Rob in the midst of his suffering was, at least, something. It was almost as if, on some level, God had cancer, too.
"He took up our infirmities and bore our diseases …" (Matthew 8:17, TNIV).
He didn't just "sympathize" with us. And He didn't just bear our "spiritual" sickness. The text says He actually carried our diseases.
When my wife and I decided to make the last-minute trip to Wales, we didn't know what to expect. We didn't know how we would be able to help. We simply couldn't stand the idea of sitting at home, sending up the occasional prayer while our friend across the ocean lay dying of cancer.
In the end, we traveled 4,000 miles to spend five minutes with Rob. But I wouldn't trade those five minutes for anything in the world.
Even though I had imagined us helping in more tangible ways, there was something about being physically present and standing at Rob's side and gripping his hand—it communicated something that couldn't be said in an email or a phone call. Sometimes it's not enough to tell a suffering friend you're praying for them. Sometimes you have to become the answer to your own prayer. When you ask God to send help, you have to be ready to become that help. What else could we possibly mean when we talk about being the hands and feet of Christ?
Our last night in Wales, as we gathered with mutual friends to pray for Rob, I realized that God is present in the midst of suffering because we are present in it.
We are God's presence.

2006-05-15T16:43:00.000-04:00

wow, its been so long since I posted on here, but I'm afraid this post wont be extremely long either seeing as how I have a cracked bone in my right elbow and it hurts to type. Yes, if anyone ever asks you why you dont jump over hedges, tell them that your friend tried it and ended up regretting it. Its true what they say, you never realize what you've got until your without it. Well let me tell you, its very challenging even zippering up a backpack when you only have one good gripping hand. But no worries, it'll heal. God is good as always. I could've been hit by a car aftwards or worse so hey, I actually ended up getting off pretty good for my moment of stupidity. Well enough of that, I didnt really mention the location of my hedge jumping escapades. They were in Birmingham England as I was just on a missions trip of sorts to the UK. Now this may seem to some as taking the easy way out, but here I am going to quote what my friend Kim put in her myspace blog because I think she puts it really well.

"The truth is, most of the youth culture in England have NO IDEA who Jesus Christ is. If you say that name the typical response is, "What? Who's that? Isn't that some church thing?". And to me that's just mind-boggling. Maybe it's because I live in the Bible belt now and being a Christian is just something you do (which is also sickly wrong!), but it was truly and eye opener as to WHY we NEED missionaries in other countries. Not just 3rd-world countries or in remote places in Africa where the gospel has never been preached, but even in the U.K.Friar Park, England (a suburb of Birmingham), was astonishing. The youth are so desensitized to sex, drugs, alcohol, or anything you can think of... Girls there are performing sexual favors at the age of 10, by the time they hit 14, sex is just something you do when you're bored. There's no need for the "liking" of a person, or even attraction - they just have sex with anyone, anywhere, anytime. They go straight from youth group, out to a park to do these things, and when I look at them all I see is little girls who a playing with weapons bigger than they can even think or dream of.My question is WHY?!Because when they go home - they're being sexually abused, molested, raped, physically abused, emotionally abused, and neglected. This is why I'm here in Tennessee. This is why I'm choosing to fight and save a dying generation. This is what I choose to pour my life and my time into - and that is why. "

So yes, as many of you know, I'm down here working at ZJAM youth ministries this year in Tennessee and that is one of the reasons that I'm here. It seems cliche to say, but in alot of ways our generation does seem to be dying and does need to be saved from itself. My elbow is in pain now so I will stop typing but I just thought I would share abit of whats been going on down here in the south, and how my trip to the UK was.

2006-02-22T13:08:00.000-05:00

came across this.....thought it was interesting......God's creation blog of sorts

Day 1 Listening to: Silence (it's wonderful)Mood: BlissfulCreated light. Took about 11 seconds. What to do with the rest of the day? Wound up creating the sheet, too. Spent afternoon making shadow-puppets with Jesus (Unable to cast a shadow, the Holy Spirit got upset went body-surfing). Jesus does this thing where He makes a fist then sticks up his index and middle fingers and bounces His hand around – cracks me up. Not sure what to call it; we'll delegate that sort of thing somewhere down the line. If I ever get a book deal from this blog, I might leave out the part about the shadow-puppets. "Let there be light" is much more impressive than "Let there be light and a bed sheet." All in all, a good day.

Day 2 Listening to: Silence again (it can't last forever; must enjoy it while I can)Mood: ExpectantHad another good day today. Separated water into two parts with an expanse we're calling "sky" in between. We may rethink the name later, but it works as a placeholder. Holy Spirit spent the afternoon hovering above and below the face of the deep.

Day 3 Listening to: Ocean surf breaking on the beachMood: HappyGood things are afoot. Created land today. Can't talk about it now, but I see real potential in this "dirt" stuff. I'll keep you posted. In the course of creating land, we also created "seas." Spent the rest of the day punning with Jesus and Holy Spirit: "Now see here...." "No, no, the sea is over there." Must blog on the humor potential of homophones someday: Sea if I don't. Got a big project set for this afternoon. I'll blog on it tomorrow.

Day 4 Listening to: The music of the spheresMood: Charamblontical (there's simply no other word for it)Spent yesterday creating a garden. This was one of the things I was thinking about yesterday when I mentioned that I saw potential in dirt. You can plant all kinds of stuff in it. Trees, shrubberies, vegetables – it's all good. There's another little project I have in mind for the dirt, but it'll be a couple days before I can say more. Today, though, was Moving Day. Created stars and planets – but where to put them? All bunched together, they're not that exciting. Holy Spirit suggested spreading them out across the universe. That's good, I thought. So I called Fed Ex and explained my vision to them. I explained our tight schedule, too: "It absolutely, positively has to be there overnight." They said, "no sweat," and asked if they could use that as their motto. "Not a problem," I said. After all, I am a gracious God, aren't I?

Day 5 Listening to: Jesus telling a "Big Fish" storyMood: Amused (the "big fish" thing has potential, might return to it one day)This morning I noticed a cool thing while creating birds and fish. When the land and the seas got separated a couple days ago some water got trapped in pockets of the land. We're calling them lakes and they're really an asset to the scenery. While we were walking across one, Jesus said, "Hey, imagine how exciting it would be if this lake was filled with fire instead of water?" "But what would we put in it?" I asked. He didn't know, but I've got to admit a lake of fire would be something to see. Handy creation tip: When creating large white birds to live near the seashore, wear a hat.

Day 6 Listening to: Jungle soundsMood: PleasedToday we really made up for only working 11 seconds back at the beginning of the week. We spent all day creating animals. Like with the plants, we went for variety. Long ears. Short ears. Short ears, long tail. Long ears, almost no tail. Horns on heads. Horns on noses. Stripes. Spots. You name it, we did it. Created dinosaurs, too – Jesus loves the little dinosaurs. I foresee a couple scenarios down the road where there might be problems with the dinos, but for now they're playing well with the rest of creation. I did my other dirt project today, too. I created man and woman. Adam is handling the names project for us. I ran through the "sea" jokes from the other day, but he didn't get them (had to be there, I guess). Eve did, though (sharp as a serpent's tooth, that one). Turns out Jesus was making a bunny rabbit shadow-puppet earlier in the week. Good to know.

Day 7 Listening to: The collected works of Burt Bacharach (there are advantages to being omnipresent in time as well as space)Mood: Serene (like a televangelist high on hairspray fumes – the downside of temporal omnipresence: I already know about garbage like this)Taking it easy today, so this'll be short. I created banana cream pie around 10:30 this morning, but let's keep that on the QT, all right? Noticed a certain animal in the garden that wasn't playing well with others this afternoon. Looks like we might be moving ahead with that Lake of Fire project after all.

2005-11-27T22:43:00.000-05:00

I've been working on something called Teenhopeline since i got down here in Tennessee acouple of months ago. the things that i talk about on there, i wont really go into detail, but they are really heavy subjects most of the time including topics like rape/abuse/sexual sin/pornography/depression/suicide and alot of other subjects. Its very draining to do it every other night, but i actually find somewhat of a peace about it though at the end of the nights. although i'm extremely physically/emotionally/mentally drained from doing it all, i have hope and peace that somehow what i said that night got through to someone and it got them that bit closer to a relationship with God or it helped them grow their relationship with him. Tonight was kinda discouraging though because i had acouple prank calls. The one said they were from the other side of the world and were having some questions of a sexual nature, and the other one had a friend who was being controlled by her mind by a mysterious man who they didn't know. they both turned out to be pranks, the one came right out and told me thanks for making him laugh, and have a good time tonight. the other one, someone told me, and i was starting to wonder anyways, turned out they'd gotten their story from the Phantom of the Opera plot line. Anyways, i just wanted to ask from prayer for anyone out there who might read this. my job here gets pretty frusterating sometimes, and so i would just ask that you pray for peace and for God to help me in doing my job to the best that i can, to not lose focus on what i'm doing here and why i'm here. Lastly, to just remember that the focus should all be on God and not on myself, to always remember to give the glory to God. gnight all, thanx.

2005-10-12T00:00:00.000-04:00

Are relationships online real? can a person online really know who you are? well, i spend about 5 hours online a day at least, spending time being a moderator for the Zboard, the ZJAM posting board and i've come to know some people online. I often wonder though how real these people are being. is it possible that they are totally different in real life if i was to meet them face to face? it would be relatively easy to even be a male poseing as a female on one of these boards and unless someone really knew you, noone would be the wiser. my point being, how much can you really trust someone that you only know from the context of online from the internet. My sister would probalby say that she can know people quite well. she has an online community of sorts of friends that she corresponds with, and they write in eachothers xangas every now and then. she says that most of these people you watch and read for about a year before you really start corresponding with them and actually try and be their friend. she seems to rely on these people and in some instances opens up to them more than i see her doing with people at home. Now, grand you, i'm not at home right now, i'm like 17 hours away, but still, i wonder sometimes what it is that people see in online relationships, both friendship wise and other. you can still judge and be judged online, see supposed pictures of you and me, and chat back and forth. i guess the biggest difference i've found is, its your decision how much of yourself you put out. theres no facial expressions, or tones of voice to give a person away. its all up to you, how much you let others know about you. if your willing to put your true self out there, and they are too, then i guess you can have true friendships and relationships, but how do you really know that they are. and this leads my train of though towards online dating relationships. but i wont go there because i'd be here forever.

2005-09-22T19:33:00.000-04:00

It's hard doing God's work sometimes, alot of the time. this is probably why some Christians are not excited about going to do it. saying the unpopular things to people, showing them where they're wrong in their lives. helping them to come to God humbly and repent. helping them to right friendships and relationships, getting rid of the crap that clutters all of them up. i dont really like being the person to do this, but i guess in some ways, its made it easier to see these things in my own life. i see reflections of peoples lives in my past, in the things that i've done wrong. i can also see where i've decided to change things, and talk to people who have decided to go the other way with their lives and how they ended up. this bring me to realize how God has had his hand in truly directing my paths, in some instances keeping me out of harms way and in others, keeping me in situations where i need to learn to trust in him more from.

I now feel emotionally, physically and spiritually exhausted sometimes, and its only after two weeks. i cant imagine what doing this for a whole year is going to do to me. as long as i can get enough sleep and keep things somewhat on a schedule i think i should be alright, but my body at some point i think is going to say enough is enough, i cant go on any longer on my own strength. this of course is where God picks me up, as the one set of footprints in that poem, and carries me through the rest of the year, of the trials and tribulations and sorrows and sets me back down to walk as the year will come to an end. i have no idea what i'm going to be doing at the end of this year, but i hope that it somehow includes abit of rest before the next big adventure in life.

I'm going to just end off this blog with the lyrics from a song which just recently came back into my memory. it was one of my favourites growing up, and often almost brought me to tears. the song is called Thank You and its by an artist named Ray Boltz. I pray that these things that it talks about are true in my own life, and that one day I also will be shown in heaven the fruit of my labours for God.

Thank You - by Ray Boltz
Dreamed I went to heaven, And you were there with me
We walked upon the streets of gold, Beside the crystal sea
We heard the angels singing, Then someone called your name
You turned and saw this young man, And he was smiling as he came
And he said friend you may not know me now, And then he said but wait
You used to teach my Sunday School, When I was only eight
And every week you would say a prayer, Before the class would start
And one day when you said that prayer, I asked Jesus in my heart

Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am a life that was changed
Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am so glad you gave

Then another man stood before you, And said remember the time
A missionary came to your church, And his pictures made you cry
You didn't have much money, But you gave it anyway
Jesus took the gift you gave, And that's why I am here today

Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am a life that was changed
Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am so glad you gave

One by one they came, Far as the eye could see
Each life somehow touched, By your generosity
Little things that you had done, Sacrifices made
Unnoticed on the earth, In heaven now proclaimed
And I know up in heaven, You're not supposed to cry
But I am almost sure, There were tears in your eyes
As Jesus took your hand, And you stood before the Lord
He said my child look around you,Great is your reward.

Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am a life that was changed
Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am so glad you gave
Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am a life that was changed
Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am so glad you gave
I am so glad you gave

2005-09-08T16:29:00.000-04:00

so i'm living in tennessee how which i must say has quite a different climate compared to where i'm used too. no ontario or north bay weather here. its hot, hot and more heat incase you needed some. hmmm... alright its not that bad. hey at least i can still get a tan in october while all you ontario people are getting ready for winter.

its the third time that i've moved away from home....... ahhhhhh gotta go, sorry to cut it short, but gotta go buy some food.

2005-08-22T14:40:00.000-04:00

well, i'm back from camp now...not my best summer, but there were some fantastic parts. First off i'd have to say that for the majority of the summer i felt like i was counseling by myself. I think that as i grow older i'm becoming more rule oriented and becoming less fun in general? maybe this is why it feels to me like i'm the only one doing any kind of discipline this summer, or the only one trying to follow the rules. Maybe i was the only one who saw the youth doing things wrong, but i felt like a parent alot of the time. i felt like i was like my parents, i had become them even though i swore i wouldn't, and i was getting the youth in trouble for things that i did. And then i started wondering whether that was the kind of parent i would become when i grew up. one so stuck on following the preformulated rules or parenting that i would miss my kids growing up and having fun with them. i hope that when i do have kids eventually that i can learn to still show them right from wrong but not suffocate them by imposing my views on them. i want them to figure out their thoughts and feelings of right and wrong by themselves. granted that most peoples values are somewhat a reflection of their parents, of the environment that they grew up in, including all of the outside influences such as the media and their teachers also affecting them. but mainly i hope that they form their own opinions and just dont take mine as facts. i used to think that being a parent was easy, and i couldn't figure out why my parents thought it was hard, but now i think that parenting could veyr well be one of the hardest undertakings of ones life. you commit to bring another human being into the world and raise them to become a functioning member of society that will supposedly follow the rules and fit into their place. but i dont just want them to fit, i want them to be themselves no matter whether that fits or not. along those lines, i was wondering how i would react someday if my child told me that they were gay. i dont have much experience in this area, none of my friends are, i dont really even know that many people at my school who were, so i have nothing to base my reaction on other than the fact that i would still love my child to death, and still treat them as my own, not an outcast, just as if they told me they'd stolen a car, or has killed someone. these would all be hard and challenging and sinful situations but i hope that i would be able to show my child love, and love him or her. Some parents cast away their children when they are told, they ask the question what have they done to deserve this, instead of thinking about what the child is going through. but i say that we must treat these kids as we would any other who was commiting sin, as all youth do i might add, with the love of christ and try and help them to stop sinning i believe. i was reading a letter the other day from ZJAM, the place where i'll be starting working in afew weeks, and a girl called in and was saying how all she'd ever heard was that God and Christians hated people who were gay. she had never heard that Jesus loved everyone no matter what your crime or sin, no matter what your ethnic background, no matter what your sexual orientation, he loves them all. he does how want people to live in sin, he still loves the people who are doing it, just not the sin that they are committing. this is a very hard topic to talk about, and one that seems taboo lately in different circles but especially christian ones. just in the last few months though i have been convicted on forming an opinion about what i feel about the homosexual community, mainly because this coming year i probably will be talking to youth who are dealing with many problems in their lives including this and i wanted to know where i stood on the issue. so yeah, that is i guess a very far topic from where i started this blog, about how my summer went, so sorry if it seemed rather random, but my thoughts just flowed there. i cant think of how to word what i want to continue to say about my summer so i think that i'll come back alittle later and try and finish this blog. until then heres a quote that i read in the "daily bread" devotional today, its says "Dont study the Bible to be able to quote it, study it to obey it".

2005-06-02T18:30:00.000-04:00

I celebrated my birthday yesterday and it got me to wondering whether my parents had some secrets jobs, a money tree or whether they are heirs to some fortune somewhere i dont know about. I dont understand how they can give me gifts that are expensive and that i dont really deserve. I guess they just enjoy giving them too me but i find it hard to take the gifts from them sometimes. I have a problem because i like the gift and i wanted it alot, but i know how much it cost and how much better i think that money could've been spent. But i guess its not up to me and i'll stop complaining. God continues to bless me more than i can imagine when i look at all that i've done and dont see how i deserve anything and look around and see so many that do so much for him and are satisfied with so few posessions. I pray that God will humble my heart and help me to not be materialistic and be thankful for what he gives me.

2005-05-30T15:34:00.000-04:00

Stress and Staring

I think that people who are afraid of stressful situations, that try and avoid stressful situations at all costs actually create more stressful environments then they already were by all of their worrying. they actually create more stress then there ever was just by worrying. I was recently at my grandmother's house to visit. When we have gone there in the past, the rest of my family has felt it as a stressful time because of the presence of my uncle and so i figured it would be pretty stress free the whole time we would be there. but surprisingly it felt pretty much the same because the people who make that stress found other things to stress about. I in general am pretty laid back and dont see the point of worrying about certain details. On another topic, i hope that when i get to be my grandmother's age, and when i can't hear very well, that people sitting all around don't talk in low tones or volumes so that i cannot hear what they are saying on purpose. i find this somewhat disrespectful. It happened quit abit this last weekend and it kind of made me think about why we were not letting her hear what we were saying. Is it really worth not putting that extra volume into your voice so she could also feel apart of our conversation. I am not looking forward to getting older and losing my hearing. My father is only 55 and already has hearing problems. I hope that this is not a family trait because my good hearing is one of the things that i value most.

When does looking at something become staring? Is there a certain time period marked out so that everyone knows the difference that for some reason has not been made known to me? I as a person who has been started at a very large amount because of my height the last 4-5 years of my life am not a fan of staring at all. And yet there doesn't seem to really be any difference between looking and staring. Maybe its the difference in the intensity of your eyes, of your look. I wish that someone would let me in on their knowledge of the difference because i dont really see any.

I am becoming less a fan of certain parts of growing up. Mainly the fact that everyone else continues to live and go on with their lives and as friends our lives continue to go in different directions. I sometimes wonder if its worth it keeping up some friendships when we probably wont ever see eachother on this earth again until we see eachother in God's kingdom one day. As much as i need friendships, i sometimes wonder if the hurt that i have because i know i wont get to be good friends with some anymore out weighs friendship that we will continue to have. I believe my thinking might be just going in circles now but it has really made me wonder about my friendships. I was at church yesterday and i felt like a stranger in a place that was so familiar. Its the same building that i grew up in, with the same windows and doors, but the people are different. the young ones have grown up and are now the teenagers who rule over the pews on the left side of the sanctuary and the greeters at the door, although i've literally known who they were for the last 10 years somehow thought i was knew to the church. i really dont like it how people think that i am a new attendee of a church that i have attended for the last 12 years and been a member for the last 7 years of. although other than my membership and my family i dont really feel much ties to the church anymore. the biblical pastor Gerry who i eventually looked up to so much has retired and now theres this new guy who isn't Gerry and i feel as if i'm in some weird dream where all the people in positions of leadership have been replaced without my knowing it. I guess its all signs of time going on and people living their lives. I know things must change, and i know that i have changed and must continue to change with the times, but my memories of the past i sometimes wish were my memories of the present, one again, 13 years old, running through my church basement, or playing soccer on the field behind my house. such young times, i've learned so much since then.

2005-05-14T11:51:00.000-04:00

well well well,
it seems like my time here in ottawa has come to an end and so i think i will finally have time to be more regular with my blog. God has continued to bless me as i've been living here and it looks like i'm again moving further from home next year as i head down to tennessee to live for the year, more on that to come, but now i must go to pack and move away from another place that was home for a short while. goodbye to the nations capitol.

2005-04-05T02:02:00.000-04:00

I Hate Goodbyes...
i really dont like them. there seem to be so many as of late which brings to mind the question which i wondered last year at the beginning of the semester.... is it worth getting close to your friends when you know that your just going to be leaving them for good? Last year as some noticed i stayed at arms length. somewhat self-centered i see now, i figured i didn't need friends here in the Bay because i'd just made and left 39 friends from my year at summit. i was under the impression that i would stay friends with them forever. that my ring at summit wouldn't get broken and those would be the friendships that would last me a lifetime. i have now realized and felt this to be a very lonely idea. and i've also now seen that as now the numbers of close friends have dwindled, the ones that have stayed are even tighter, and form a closer ring which we all know will not be broken by time, space between us or continually changing paths. thus, i have made afew close friendships here in the Bay, and i must now say goodbye until again we meet. I wish it weren't so, i wonder if well stay in touch. friendship takes energy and strength, and unfortunately sometimes you have to pick and choose which ones you spend these on. it might sound selfish, but in the end, can one really maintain many close relationships with many different people all around the country? a relationship or friendship cannot be build on past experiences. the beginnings might be, but they need to be strengthened by new experiences together, new adventures, new "hang-time". without this, your friendship becomes a continuel glimpse of times past, of happier times together when you were really close friends, and or how you wish you were still that close. i have found this happening with my friends from highschool. we still try to stay friends. we told ourselves, the J society would never break. it would be a chain unbroken for our lives. but then our lives entered the new chapter called our futures and now every time we see eachother its hard not to dwell on the past when we were so tight. we reminise about the good 'ol days and wish we all still lived closely. But then do we really? do we really wish that we were stuck in the same places for our whole lives? wouldn't that get boring? does that make our friendships boring? I hope that the friendships that i have made here in the Bay dont get boring. i hope that their not reminisent but that they build and we continue to make new memories for the future. I hope that i will see you all in heaven my friends if not here on earth. that is one of the only comforts i have as i say goodbye. Farewell to the North, its whispering trees and its touchable sunsets. I will miss you all.

2005-03-19T14:46:00.000-05:00

ahhh, its been a long time since i blogged.... alot has happened...
but i thought that this entry i would just leave afew quotes and thoughts from what i have learned in the past couple of months.

- Don't creat your own God, dont change God into something that makes the things you do alright because this creates a false God
- Set your affection on the giver and not on the gift
- People want God to bring justice to them for what people have done to them, but they themselves dont want to have to stand in judgement
- Most of our battles are because of our own selfishness or our want
- Are we looking for God's desires or our own?
- Christianity wont get very far if we keep Jesus in our hearts
- The greatest freedom comes when you SURRENDER your whole life to Christ
- You cannot follow God if your in neutral
- How to Pray A-Adoration C-Confession T-Thanksgiving S-Supplication
- The only opinion that counts, the only one that matters, is the Great I Am
- Before you give your opinion to someone else, ask yourself why you are going to

It seems i cant escape homework these days, so again i'm off to do some more.
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2005-01-15T19:04:00.000-05:00

So yeah, back to what i was saying..... well kind of. I just wanted to say one more thing on that topic. I think its pretty cool to think about the fact that theres someone out there waiting for you, just as much as you are waiting for them. So dont be disheartened about waiting for that special someone, because theres someone out there waiting for you specifically to be that one.

Would life be boring if we knew what would happen next? Probably, but that doesn't mean that i still wouldn't like to know sometimes. Is future ever one of a person's biggest worries? Well if my life so far is any proof, it is, but i guess i'll just have to wait and find out.

Does God get bored? I wonder........

2005-01-14T08:21:00.000-05:00

AHHHH, up bright an early again, what a non-lovely day outside it is. If it weren't for the whole beautiful God's creation thing all around me it would be hard to have a smile on my face, but i do. Its just beautiful here. So this is the end of my first week back from Christmas break and i can't be done this semester fast enough. not that i want to leave this new place i've come to call home, because i really dont. Mainly though because of the people and the scenery, not because i'd love to take acouple more years of my program. its been good, but not that great. I do find myself though, wondering which of the friends i have here now i'll keep in contact with, like the friends i've met in the past, from high school and bible college. the friends i've kept from both those places seems to dwindle each time i go home, but the ones i do keep seem to amaze me with their willingness to rekindle our friendship like it was yesterday each time i see them, these are true friends.

I felt kind of out of things when i went home this time. things have been happening in my families lives, mostly my sister's that i haven't been apart of and i felt out of the loop. It is kind of my fault since i could've picked up the phone, but were both busy people, and i didn't. Easier said than done as i like to say. I've always wondered which one of us would be the first to get married and the first to have grandkids for my parents. for awhile i wasn't sure if it would be here, but how it seems she's very close to getting married and that sets my mind off on a whole different line of thought, my want for a relationship, and my inability it seems to wait for one that is God ordained. I was talking to my friend Rachel the other day (who by the way keeps badgering me to keep this updated) about how i seem to have the problem that i like watching sappy, almost teen dramas which always have the guy-girl relationship at the center of them which in turn makes me wanting of one, which in turn sends my mind wandering and wondering who it is that God has set aside for me and hoping that i have the patience to wait for that person.

unfortunately, i'm in class right now and so i have to go now, i'll be back later to finish up.

2005-01-05T22:44:00.000-05:00

So i was out with my friend phil tonight for coffee. we always seem to be able to encourage eachother until we meet again 6 months later, or every time i'm home from school. Tonight we talked alittle bit about being in love with a girl, and if either of us were in love with a girl, if we'd be willing to fight for her.... i suppose physically. to which i replied, if i was in love with a girl, i would do pretty much anything for her, and i'd give up anything for her....within reason, excluding jumping off of bridges and such things. and phil made a very good parrallel between this and our christian walk. Are we so in love with Christ/God that we are willing to do anything for him, or give up anything to be able to be with him. If we are married, our love for, in my case, wife, should be only second to God, and if i think about what i would be willing to do for her, how much more should i be willing to do for Christ. Am I willing to do that? Am i in love with Christ? this might seem alittle weird, coming from a guy, about being in love with Christ, but i think that this is the best way to describe how i think my feelings, how my longing towards wanting to be in a relationship with Christ should be. We should be willing to forego anything and everything else for our relationship with Christ. and yet saying and doing are two completely different things. it is so easy to say things like this, but i'm afraid that i dont even come close when it comes to realizing this goal. What am I willing to give up to pursue a relationship with Christ? What are you willing to give up to pursue that same relationship? this thought on one hand seems frusterating because i realize that i have so much futher to go, but on the other hand it is comforting because i can also see maybe how i have come a ways from where i was. I will leave you with one more thought which my friend told me, a quote from someone i cant remember whom. "Why do some people get to hear the gospel of Jesus Christ 15 times when some people haven't even heard it once?"

2004-11-20T16:20:00.000-05:00

So much going on lately, so so very busy, i had to tell one of my friends to come later because the load of thing to do was outweighing the time i would have to spend with her this weekend, but oh the times we would have had. Where is this world going when professional athletes, people who are paid millions of dollars, start attacking fans of the game who are sitting innocently in the stands. In case you all didn't see the game last night between the Indiana Pacers and the Detroit Pistons, well technically i didn't really see the game either, but it turned out to be an all out brawl in the last few minutes of this supposedly Professional game.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=1927380
ESPN.com news services
AUBURN HILLS, Mich. -- Players and fans exchanged punches in the stands near the end of a Pacers-Pistons game in one of the worst brawls in NBA history. The mayhem left several people injured and prompted a police investigation. Indiana's Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson charged into the stands and fought with fans in the final minute of their game against Detroit, and the brawl forced an early and ugly end to the Pacers' 97-82 win.

For the rest of the story, you should definitely watch the highlights on tv or look it up on the web. I'm hoping to see it tonight on the news, my friend Matt told me it was like an all out brawl. So back to my original point, what was it, oh yeah, the fact that these guys are being paid millions of dollars to play a GAME, to play Basketball, not to punch out fans. Now i have to admit that maybe some of the fans deserved it, but for the ones that were in the midle of it and had nothing to do with it, they were being attacked by people who they had payed money to watch play B-Ball. Now would you pay money to have someone come attack you in your seat, maybe a very few would, but i definitely wouldn't. I hope that there are some very stiff penalties layed down on these players. As much as they were egged on by the fans, they should've reacted in some other manner than this.

This brings me to another point. I love listening to music, Love it, Love it!! But in the past couple of days i've realized that alot of the music i listen too, and the reason i think its so popular to some people is because its looking for hope, and talking about searching for a place to belong too.

Linkin Park - breaking the Habit
I dont want to be the one the battles always choose
cause inside i realize that i'm the one confused
i dont know whats worth fighting for, or why i have to scream
i dont know why i instigate or say what i dont mean
i dont know how i got this way, i know its not all right
So i'm breaking the habit tonight

Something Corporate - Walking By
Why do you look when you've already found it?
What did you find that could leave you walking by?

If you look at most of the lyrics of Linkin Park's songs, their searching for something, they just want to belong, they want someone to say that things are alright and this is the cry of most of the youth of our nations all around the world, their searching for hope. And as for Something Corporate, which i must add is one of my new favorite bands, i love their lyrical deepness and their combination of guitars and piano. But their songs still are looking for hope like so many other. Even great Christian bands like Switchfoot talk about searching in the song Meant to Live

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

The difference is of course that they know where they can find their hope, and that is in Christ Jesus. Its too bad that i cant shout this from a mountain top or i would (but i live in Ontario and alas theres no huge mountains around) that for all the people out there looking for Hope, God is one who they can all put their hope in. And the answer to everyones question is all around them literally.

Sean Dayton - Surround Me
...this is from my friend jess's blog http://jessicaclark.blogspot.com/
Sometimes I can't see the sunshine
But I know it's still there
Sometimes I can't feel the wind blow
But I don't stop believing
Sometimes I can't feel Your presence
But I know You surround me
You surround me with Your love
You surround me with Your love, your loveI can't see the air but I still breathe it
I can't touch the sun but I still feel it
Just like You are the air, I'll always need You
Just like You are the sun, I'll always want You
I'll always want You in my arms

Its around us in the creation which God has created for us.... Creation screams out to God, It praises him in the breeze which we feel, the rays of sunshine that fall across the lakes and streams that fill this great land.

So my encouragement to you all, is that for all the hopelessness in the world, there is a cure, and that cure can be found in Christ Jesus. Hope founded in him will never be forsaken and will never be regretted.

2004-11-16T17:02:00.001-05:00

so todays been a pretty good day..... although i slept through one of my classes for pretty much the first time this semester which made me have a guilty conscience, but i dont really ever do anything in the class anyways so i justified it.

i find Baz Lurman's (spelling?) films interesting. last night i watched Romeo and Juliet with my friend Rachel. Story wise i honestly have to say i find it sometimes hard to understand what they are saying, i understand the main points but specifically i find the words hard to understand. Style wise though, i think that BaZ is a great director. he doesn't just involve you with the plot but even his set, and his props involve you. I also like how he adapted this play to fit a modern scenario while still keeping the language no matter how much i couldn't understand it. and then theres the actors.... sorry rachel, but you'll never be able to convince me that Leo is a great actor.... maybe a good, but never a great..... but the rest of them, actors and actresses alike i thought did a great job.

lastly for today, i'd just like to say my regard to my friend Jon out in BC, i miss you dude and we definitely have to hang out at Christmas time, have alittle nachos and ........ you know what i'm talking about....

and also to my friend Erich from Timmins, your words are always an encouragement to me how you can finds God's light in the darkest times, so keep up the blogging dude.

2004-11-13T19:24:00.000-05:00

So alas, I am stuck here once again in my home away from home with homework to do, but things on the brain. I wish I had more time. I wish I could add however many hours to my day that I needed and then take away hours that I didn't need. This is because I never seem to get enough sleep, and there always seems to be more to do in a day than I have time for. But of course I cant argue with the set up because my view is flawed and God's system is perfect. Can you imagine if we lived in a world which wasn't created by an almighty God, a world where someone wasn't in control of everything? I think it would be chaos.

there have been some incredible sunsets I have seen from my window so far this year. The outdoors is the one thing that surrounds me all the time which constantly is a reminder to me of who I should be thankful to, God. His creation is so amazing and intricate. Its one of the reasons I moved up here to the north, not to say that down south doesn't have some nice countryside, its just to say that I love God's picture display up here.

well I must get back to my homework, but before I do I just wanted to say thanks to my new friend Rachel. It seems to me that the things we talk about with eachother we have been friends for a long time, and yet we have only known eachother for a week. And before she came into my life, God's perfect timing I'm sure of it, I was feeling down while looking into my future. A future which includes moving away from this home to some place I don't even yet know. I was feeling down because I didn't want to leave my friends here and have to make new ones once again, and so I was becoming almost closed off to my friends here. But Rachel has shown me that no matter how long you know a person doesn't matter. You can know a person for only a week and they can still have a great impact on your life. And its what God shows you through that person that matters and if you close yourself off to their friendship than you can miss something very important that God is trying to tell you, and he has definitely showed me some cool things through Rachel this last week. So thank you for your friendship Rachel, thanks for your daily encouragement and thank you for your prayers.

2004-11-10T01:24:00.000-05:00

Once again i find myself overwhelmed by work, and living on a small amount of Zzzzz's comparativly to the norm. Why do college and university students do this to themselves? well why do people in general deprive themselves of sleep? But anyways, i just wanted to share the fact that its nice when you dont feel pressured to do the worlds norm. I dont like the worlds view of dating, but for a long time probably have conformed to it, but now i have come to the realization that since the point of dating is to find your life partner, why date when your not serious, you know you'll break up, or you just want someone to have fun with? These all may seem to be relevant arguments at first glance, but if you view it as you may be poisoning your future marriage by being involved in these relationships, does it seem so wonderful and worthwhile then? There is of course a number of books on the subject of dating, including that you shouldn't date, just court and be married...I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Josh McDowell (spelling maybe?) but i do believe theres a place for dating. I am very blessed to have around me friends who i think are doing a great job of dating with a focus on getting married, and some who have already made it through those years of turmoil called dating and have now entered into the bonds of God-honouring holy matrimony. This may seem like a rather random blog. the source of it is my friendship with a close friend. I met her this summer, and everyone expected us to date since we were such good friends, and truthfully we both contemplated it, but then we realized that if neither of us intended on getting married in the near present, why risk a great friendship for the possability of a short dating relationship when we could just continue to build out friendship and by making that stronger, maybe someday explore the dating relm once more. I'm so glad to call her my friend right now, and wouldn't have it any other way. My God bless all those who are not just seeking dating relationships according to wordly values, but those to are focused on him, and keep their site on him, looking towards the future possibility of their marriage.

2004-09-22T18:50:00.000-04:00

HAVE YOU EVER THANKED GOD FOR WHAT DIDN'T GO WRONG TODAY?

Thank You Lord, I am so truly Blessed!!

2004-09-21T17:39:00.000-04:00

Wow, wasn't that a great summer? well yeah, it did have some good times, but overall i'm not sure..... actually yeah, that was a good summer, i just hope i can do it again next year......

I've learned so much, where to begin...
well, now, i'm back at school, and so much has happened over the last 3 months of my life, well alittle bit longer, but lets not worry about the details.

so this summer, well i worked at camp again, much like last summer, although alittle bit different since i stayed for the whole 11 and 1/2 weeks, wow that was a long time!! but it was good, made some good friends, made a best friend, and influenced some more kids lives positively for Christ hopefully. This summer although, was alittle bit different, and alittle bit harder, i didn't have my good friend Hot Sauce to have business meetings with, oh how i miss the business meetings, those were the days. Its hard going through a summer when you find that there not really anyone you can talk to for real about stuff, but then someone does come along, and things are so much better. I'm definitely met her, but i'm not sure where things will go with her. I guess all will be reveiled in God's timing. But oh how i wish i knew now what was instore for us.

Recently i've become a fan of a song by Tim McGraw, its called, live like you were dying, and it says some good things....... well i think it says some things that could and should be applied to the Christian life... i mean, we should be living our lives as if any minute Christ would be coming back and would he be pleased with what you were doing at that moment.... i dont think that many of us could say yes for that....

The last week was amazing, very hard but amazing...
I'd just like to finish off this blog with a song or a poem that i wrote during a time or worship during chapel one night...

Every step we make
Every breath we take
Let us see your kingdom and your glory
Only you Lord are holy
Your presence stretches far and wide
From your grace and love we cannot hide
Our eyes and ears have not been deceived
For all our pain and suffering has been relieved

I have much more to share about from this summer, but alas i am back at school now and i must go and do some homework. I am glad to be back here and see all my friends i missed so much, but i also miss all those i left behind from the summer and especially the ones i had talks with, oh the talks, how i miss them.

arivaderchi

2004-06-02T17:56:00.000-04:00

So, i've been gone for a week out in New Brunswick and i just have to say that i think that countryside is so so beautiful. but the drivers are crazy. they may not be in the city but they sure drive like it. the whole drive out was beautiful actually, quebec also has some beautiful country. We are very lucky as a country to be so blessed by God in all that he has created around us for us to enjoy!! Canada just wouldn't be the same without the scenary.

I find weddings make me very reflective, or what might have been, what hasn't worked out and also though it brings hope into my life for the future. I wish all the best by the way to becky and stephen, my two good friends who were wed last saturday before God, i hope that they are having a great time on their honeymoon right now wherever it is. As much as i enjoy the beginning of a relationship and all the stuff that goes along with that, i sometimes God would reveal to me who i am supposed to be with and just fast forward to being married, it would seem to be a whole lot easier, less heart break, but then i suppose i would miss out on so much. so much that i still have to learn, and so many more experiences i have set before me.

I only hope that i can have the strength to continue on, and to succeed at whatever is put in my path.

2004-05-15T04:32:00.000-04:00

My long nights of darkness are lightened only by the happy thoughts that I have had. Oh is it reminiscing time already, i guess it is that time of year again. Summit 8 has just ended, a whole year has gone past since i finished that joy and toil filled year. The Friends that i was able to take away from summit are probably one of the things that will affect me the most for the future. It seems that good, true friends, are hard to find as of late. I was reminded of how worthwhile strong friendships are while i was reading my friend matt's blog. he was talking about a character in the movie "good will hunting" and how he said that a good friend is someone who would lay down in traffic for you.
or maybe someone who would die for you, on a cross....
I have spent so much time in the last few years focused on starting, building and maintaining my earthly friendships and these friendships are nice to have, dont think that i dont value each and every one of them, but i've somewhere in all of it, stopped spending alot of time with someone who's been my friend for the longest of anyone i've ever known. My longest earthly friendship is probalby 5 or 6 years now, but I've apparentely been friends with a guy named Jesus since i was 5 years of age, well thats at least what i tell people. But would people know that i was friends with him. What are the characteristics of a friendship? spending time with the friend, listening to them, communicating, sharing a hug, a laugh, a tear, a cry.
As i sit here reminiscing about the past, and about the friends that i made last year, i should not forget the friendship i made anew. I learned more about my friend Jesus last year than i probably ever have. and through this year he's stuck with me being there through all the ups and downs, but it seems that only during the downs have i tried to reafirm my friendship and my dependance on him. I must start to rely on him for the good and the bad. Come to him when i'm at the highest of highs in my day and thank him for it. I must humble myself, and try to model my friendships with others after the one true master of friendship, Jesus Christ.

go forth in faith....

2004-05-10T04:24:00.000-04:00

I've realized the last couple days how i'm lucky to have an earthly father such as i have. I've noticed a number of things the past couple of days in his actions, helping people, strangers, moving heavy items to their cars, or holding the door open for ladies, or just genuinly caring about people that he doesn't talk to much, but really wants to know how their doing when he does talk to them.
i have also noticed in the last year, i didn't really before summit for some reason, his devotional that he does daily. He is a quiet man of God who continues to meet God daily, and God has blessed him richly for this. maybe not monetarily, i'm not sure if thats a word, but he has blessed my father with a serving/giving spirit, and fatherly guidance.
I pray that when i too become a father someday that i can be like my father. That i can have a meaningful relationship with God my heavenly father, that i can have my kids depend on he to do the right thing by them, and to treat people with respect because of the example that i have had growing up.
I'm sure that my dad has made many tough decisions through his years, and i've seen the results of some of them, and its amazing the attitude that God has given him, to be able to put the well being of his family before his.

Thank you heavenly father, for bestowing on me before i even knew it, an earthly father who continuelly strives to better himself through you, and who wants to set a good example for his kids. Please continue to give him faith Lord, that all his decisions have their foundation in you, and please give him the will to continue on in his job as your servant in missions.

sincerely
Your humble son

2004-05-10T04:00:00.000-04:00

and now i realize that i was wrong, oh so wrong

never ever question what someone else believes is the will of God for their life because that means your questioning God, are you ready to challenge God, the alpha and omega, the prince of peace...... i wonder where i get off thinking that i, little ol' me, well maybe not little, but why i could ever think that i could challenge God. well all i can do now is try not to do it again.

and with that i must also not just say i'm sorry to God questioning things, but also to the girl who i thought was of my dreams, and i must say sorry for trying to stand in the way of her pursuing what she thought was God's will in her life.
How many times in the last year or two have i wondered what God's will is for my life, and just hoped, just yearned that he would reveal it to me, and then i stand in the way when someone else hears God speaking to them telling them to go....
It must have been jealousy, or hurt, or some emotion which i have not explored yet for me to have thought that i could stand in the way of her and have her decide that she would stay here with me and not go to calgary. But alas, as all things that are against the will of the Big Kahuna,if you will, they must come to and end. Anything that is set outside his will is predestined, thats right, before the beginning of time to fail. hows that for ya, that means that anything that you try to do on your own, your bound to fail at. we have no hope on our own people. hello. yeah that means that we need help, from who you ask, well my friend Jesus, i mean he died for your sins and rose from the grave for you.
This by the way was never more evident to me and never more real than after watching the Passion of the Christ Movie. my thoughts while watching the torture of my best friend Jesus was he must have been the son of God, no other explanation.
Can you imagine, your best friend dying for you, he died in your place, he died in my place. would i/you do that for my/your best friend? think of the sacrifice, imagine the pain that his father went through. it is so overwhelming it brings tears to my eyes the kind of sacrifice that was made for me. all the times i've denied who i am a follower of, who my beliefs are about, i dont even want to go and see him on sunday sometimes and yet he is willing to die for me and welcome me with open arms when i come to him. How great a gift do we as the human race have, and yet so many of us have thrown it back in his face.

I will finish this entry off with two comments, one, i heard a saying awhile ago which really struck a chord with me, it says, if you were arrested for being a christian would there be enough evidence to convict you? if this, christianity which i am supposed to be living my life by is not evidant enough in my life that someone could convict me of it, than i need to straighten out my priorities of this short life that God has granted me, and start living it for him.
the second comment i will make is this, in the bible it talks about how great things can be done with even as much faith as a mustard seed or something along those lines. Rachel, you have that faith. I was wrong to stand in your way, and i hope that was not an instrument in any way of you faltering in that faith because i can see that God will do great things with you, he has done them, he is doing them, and he will continue to do great things with you Rachel. Continue on in your thirst, he is the water of life, he is the only thirst quencher. Your faith is great Rachel, and therefore he has a great future ahead of you.

2004-04-16T02:58:00.000-04:00

Betrayal hurts. You know when you've been betrayed by that sting that you feel. I am feeling that sting right now. I've been left on the ground, my head spinning, wondering what has happened to my life in the past few months. Things have turned completely around. Friendships i have been working on have completely gone to the wayside or been dropped not by me but by others who have taken her side. I dont think they consciously made this decision, it just happened over time. Unreturned phone calls and such are just some of the examples of a friendship slipping away. Are there ways one can see these signs and stop it from happening when it didn't even happen on your end? Is there a way you can bring this up with the person and challange them on it without damaging the little bit of friendship thats still there? The feeling of betrayal is a hard one to get rid of and to get over. It puts a person back into their shell where they wait, sometimes for afew weeks, sometimes afew years until that person comes along to coax them again, out of that shell, to free their spirit once again. But if a pattern of betrayal happens, it becomes more and more difficult to open up. I have come to this point where i no longer see the point. Am i to be investing in one sided relationships for the rest of my life? I have decided that i will not open for anyone for awhile at least. It is hard for others to understand, but until my shell thickens up, i cannot take another betrayal. Maybe next year, next decade, maybe not again.

2004-04-12T22:27:00.000-04:00

i just thought i'd quickly share afew thoughts......

Feelings are the result and not the basis for our faith.
Its easier to stay out of temptation than to get out of it.
Satan cannot get your mind when it is focused on God.
Christianity is not a religion it is a relationship.
Theres no limit to what God can do if someone doesn't need to get the earthly credit.
You can't have fellowship without forgiveness.
If he's not the Lord of all, he's not the Lord at all?
If you were arrested for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?
Because we are so question oriented, we have forgotten about the one who knows the answers.
God is more interested in what you do than what you've done.
The only time you fail is the last time you try.
There are many ways to hell but only one way to Heaven.
Have you ever thanked God for the problems you didn't have this week?
Christ had the power to lay down his life, and he also had the power to take it up again.
We have the responsability to listen to God
You'll never know that God is all you need until God is all you've got.

I hope that these words may speak somewhere, someday to some else because they have spoken already to me.

2004-04-12T22:06:00.000-04:00

alas i have not blogged in awhile, and tonight with lonliness setting in i figured it was as good a time as any with no one around to care either way. lonliness is a funny thing, no matter how many friends you think you have, it takes only one night like tonight for you to notice that your friends are off doing something together and you are at home alone, it kinda creeps up on you like that. and all those friends that are far away are also out doing something but your stuck, in your chair at home typing words into cyberspace instead of out enjoying yourself because its no fun doing something by yourself. why do people have the need for relationships? do hermits not have that need or have they found some other way to satisfy it? maybe God is truly the only one who can totally satisfy this need within us humans. We go through our whole lives getting friendships, nurturing them, but why is this? We have a sense of wanting. I have found God but have i let that wanting draw me close to only him. When my focus should be on growing and nurturing the only relationship that can truly be eternal, that truly should mean something right now, i get caught up in looking for relational satisfaction around me, whether its in friend form or in girlfriend form. since the departing of my relationship with my now ex-girlfriend, i have noticed a huge absense of a sense of belonging here in my home away from home. it has given me a longing for a fulfilling relationship. Now my thinking is that there is a hole which can only be filled with a relationship of the same kind, a girlfriend or what have you, but maybe the hole should be filled some other way. maybe it was never a perfect fit before because it wasn't heres to be in. I think maybe this hole is for Christ, and his relationship. It is only when i let him truly enter my life and establish himself in that hole and we begin to build a personal relationship will this longing ever truly go away. or will it? so many questions that could take a lifetime to discover the answer too or just a moment. but i'm not sure which road i'm willing to take.

2004-03-23T00:27:00.000-05:00

I couldn't sleep last night so i decided to make a list of the things i was looking for in a girlfriend.... of course the things on the list always seem to make one judgemental of someone when you meet them, but i figured that it would be good to at least know what i was looking for in someone to be in a relationship with now that i am finally free of my last one. I've found that different kinds of relationships are harder to get over, definitely the more you give of yourself, the harder it is to get over because you feel rejected and dont want to give of yourself like that again, but in the end, you have to get back on the horse because the person God wants for you in your life is out there looking too, or they might be right in front of your face. This is why i guess a list has no basis in reality, if i believe that God has set someone aside for me, which i do. Because in the end, i dont really have a huge say in who that person is, which in some areas is actually a relief because that means i dont have to go searching anymore since God has already done the research for me. As much as a comfort as that may be though, it doesn't quite take the edge off when i'm thinking of what i wish, and what i think might have been. Alas, i seem to be stuck in a redundant cycle thinking, its over, move on, what if it could work and so on and so forth. How can such afew words change two peoples lives so entirely? I sometimes wish i had never asked them so things wouldn't be as they are now. But God knows the plans he has for my life, and i have to believe that there is truth in Jeremiah 29:11. God wants me to prosper and i have to accept that he knows better than me. And now another sleepless night where i ponder the things that have happened in my life in the past two weeks, i hope they do not continue because i cant take many more sleepless night, living day to day is becoming increasingly hard as i get more exhausted, but school is almost done, only one more month to go and then i can sleep whenever i want. And now i think that i am getting sick because of my lack of sleep, but i'm going to try Tony's trick to stay unsick tonight, wish me luck.

2004-03-15T01:36:00.000-05:00

how can it be that two people who just 2 weeks ago had such a future together and a great friendship to pursue with eachother, now have not even two words to say to eachother. Can friendship overcome hurt? How long does hurt last, and how does anyone get over hurt? Of course God is the great comforter but sometimes i just would rather delve deep into my hurt rather than feel his loving arms wrap tightly around me. I want things to return to normal, for the hurt to leave, and the friendship to appear, like a ship that was lost in the fog but has now found its way back, but for some reason i think that ship will be lost for along time to come because the fog is not subsiding at all. Real friends are there for eachother in the hard times because these are the times when it counts the most, but what happens when those friends are hurt? who are they to turn too when they depend on eachother so heavily, this almost makes it that much harder. We must both turn to God for comfort. although he sometimes seems so far away from the problem at hand from the hurt that i feel in my heart, God is not far away. His holy spirit lives in my heart and he knows the pain which i am now going through. My hope is that i learn to accept strength from God and try not to go it alone, that i learn from my mistakes and rebuild my bridges of friendship and that my hurt is replaced by joy for the life that God has set out for me.

2004-03-08T15:19:00.000-05:00

i thought that my relationship was meant to be, and that i had found someone that would not abandon me for fear of a future with me, but it seems that she did not feel the same. What am i doing wrong, where did i go wrong that i need my life to come back into focus, do i need another eye opener from God, or why is he doing this to me. Can God put two different messages in two seperate peoples heart about the same thing, or is one person being influenced by something/someone else? All i know is that the love i was feeling is to be no more, it is finished, i will no longer be able to build that relationship, for she thinks that God is showing her a different future than me. I am sad for this fact, i dont fully understand why it has to happen again to me, but it seems that it was not meant to be.

2004-02-21T15:41:00.000-05:00

It's funny how it seems that no matter how hard one prepares for something, whatever can go wrong will go wrong. I did an on-air shift today at my college's station, and i thought i was so prepared, and yet i still wasn't prepared for everything. I guess the only thing one can really do is to be able to roll with the punches, so to speak, and just accept the fact that we cannot be prepared for everything that happens in our lives.

This goes back to one of the things that i learned at Urbana this winter. If you go into a situation totally prepared for every situation, how can you see God work through that situation. Now this is not to say that you should always go into everything unprepared and God will take care of it all, but just dont overprepare.

I often feel as if i dont see God working in my everyday life, but what am i really expecting? I can either view things as everything i do is because i did it, or i can view it all as it happened because God did it. If you view everything in your day, even the small things like brushing your teeth, or walking down the street, as a gift from God, you will soon realize as I am still realizing how much God has blessed me.

2004-02-19T10:16:00.001-05:00

It seems as if every thursday is a day which i wish i could go back to bed for and get up again. There never seems to be any good thursdays that i look forward to having. Today like every other it seems like everything i say is taken as an inflammatory remark and thus i am again on my way to bed so that i may start this day once again, renewed and free from whatever transgressions have supposedly happened this morning. I am going to get that rest that i so desperately need.

2004-02-19T10:16:00.000-05:00

2004-02-19T02:02:00.000-05:00

Welcome to my blog I suppose,
the past couple days have been quite great as I was able to visit my chums at summit and to be uplifted by the conversations that I received there.
my friends have always been a great sense of inspiration to me, and this weekend was not to be a disappointment. I feel fulfilled and refreshed as God's spirit has again refilled me and has re-energized me in a time where I was feeling empty.
It's amazing how one man can positively effect so many in such a short time, and how just his presence can seemingly lift a mood. I believe Donald miller to be such a man. I pray that his presence at summit this week encourages the other students and staff as much as it has me.
Lately I've felt as if I'm a third wheel in the scheme of life, that I'm just here letting it pass me by without doing much. I think that school has a way of making me feel this way, when i sit or stay in one place too long i get restless and I want to escape to a place where I can see God in his majesticness through my surrounding in nature. I want to have peace about the present though, that I should be here, I pray that I have peace about the path that I have been lead down.
Something that I learned this weekend is how much we need rest in our lives. In Psalm 23:2 it says "He makes me lie down in green pastures" not he asks me if I want to lay down or he gives me the option to lay down, no he makes me lie down in green pastures, he makes me rest. Without rest, our guard is down, and when our guard is down, the enemy is awake and will spot the chink in your armor. so make sure you get your rest in case the enemy is lying in wait for you.

gnite